Sophomore year was painful.
Need I say more?
I am not a negative Nancy. I am being honest. Every school year comes with highs and lows. This school year mostly came with lows. Extremely low lows. I will start from the beginning.
Ladies (this might work for gents, too), stay away from boys!! (I am only mentioning boys because I am straight and have only had experience with guys.) Especially at the beginning of the school year! Unless he is a nice boy and treats you well and everyone approves of him and he can prove that he cherishes you and only you.
So, there was this guy. We first—that was painful to say—started dating in June during our trip to Disney World with our high school's marching band. Anyways, all of it went well until beginning of July. We broke up. And then got back together during band camp. Our relationship flowed a little bit into the school year. Guys do these things where they suddenly do not understand their feelings and tell their girl that, which leads to a bunch of pain and makes school more difficult because all you are thinking about is what went wrong and a whole bunch of nonsense. Since he could not figure himself out, I broke up with him. It was difficult. I regretted it for a week, which made school feel like Hell—or so I thought until the school year continued on. But after that week, school flew by with ease! I avoided him and learned to focus on my schoolwork. School was enjoyable and easy back then. The occasional standardize test was not that difficult, either. Autumn was beautiful! I was happy....
Ladies, do not make the same mistake I made!!!!
So, the end of October rolled in and bam! There he was. Asking to talk to me. I—being the foolish person I am—welcomed him with open arms. Poor, unfortunate soul! No, we did not date right away.... But, on November 7, once we returned home from performing at State Finals (for marching band), we sealed the deal. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I thought he was going to be better than the last time. He was... for a month. (This round lasted four months.) Although my entire family and all of my friends disapproved, I continued with him. He was sweet, and he was a good boyfriend. I do not know what happened, but he started to push away from me; he did not act the same. He was not abusive! But he was not as caring. He had a tendency to ignore me and hang out with one of his best friends (this one is a girl). Of course I was slightly jealous. She is really pretty, and I trusted her. I was just too frightened to confront him at first. I always tried to make peace whenever tensions grew between us, even if it was his fault. I apologized even if it was not my fault! He never appreciated anything I did. He said I was too clingy, and I annoyed him. Having those thoughts in my head bothered me all day, which made school even more difficult! Somehow, I maintained 4.1 GPA. (My secret: I gave up a few hours of sleep).
A week or two later, I went to him when depression struck me hard (yes I have depression. I have another blog post for that). He knew I struggled with depression and told me to go to him whenever I felt like hurting myself (also have a short blog post explaining that further). I did. It did not end well. I told him I wanted to cut myself. You know what happened next? He mocked me. He got angry with me because he thought I wanted to cut myself because of "how bad our relationship is" and because my dad is stressing me out. He mocked me. None of that was true. The last thing he said hurt. (End of blog post) Most people would have dropped him right then and there. I should have! I did not because I loved him too much (that was never enough). I was a fool.
Those feelings lasted for a few weeks. One Friday night, when I invited him to do things with my family, he did not show. He did not say if he was going, anyways. Two days later, we hung out. I almost lostt virginity to him, BUT I DID NOT!! Fortunately. And then slowly drifted away from me and left me a week later. The end of that tragic story.
No, I could not focus on school. I was a mess on the inside. I kept myself composed in society. I refused to cry over some boy. Ladies, he is not worth crying over
if he never appreciated anything you have done for him! If you are good to him, if you love him dearly, if you are faithful to him, do not be ashamed!! Be proud of being the good one. You all are lovely. If that one giy cannot appreciate you for being wonderful, that is his loss. Walk away with your chin up and do not look back!!
You probably were expecting rants about how awful the schoolwork and tests were. They were awful. But they would not have been as bad if I was not so focused on one boy who could care less about me. I am sharing that with you because he was what I focused on for the rest of the school year. Yes, I ended both semesters with a GPA above a 4.0 (on a 4 point scale), but I dealt with a lot of stress. The school year was extremely stressful because I decided to focus on that boy and the way he made me feel.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone learns from them, eventually.
Now for some happiness
On the bright side....